By The Reverend Mrs. Silence DoGood
Dear Editor,
Mrs. Baxter is the most powerful volunteer at my Church. When she asked me to perform an exorcism on her 17 year old son last year I reluctantly agreed. I did the exorcism using my creative improvisations and it was a great success. If I didn’t do it the whole Church would have known about it.
Mrs. Helen Baxter knows everyone in my congregation and almost everyone is willing to do what she wants. If they are not willing, they agree with her to her face but then do what they want behind her back.
Last week when she called and asked for an appointment to see me she sounded very serious. I invited her to join me for tea that afternoon in the parsonage. I made my homemade oatmeal cookies that I knew she loved and we ate them drinking our organic green tea.
As we sat in my parlor we spoke. “I see that you’re still very friendly with Alice Bright Light” she said.
Ever since I befriended Alice some members of my congregation see it as a problem. I don’t. They think that because she is a Chippewa Indian and evidentiary medium she conflicts with our Church’s teaching. But she doesn’t. She brings goodness into the world and so do I. We both use the tools that are at our disposal. She uses her shamanistic training. I use my “over the stove” ministry; while I am preparing food for my family I meditate on how I can spiritually nourish my congregation.
“Yes. She is my best friend.”
“I understand that you and Alice held a séance in the Sunday school bus and that the founder of the Church the Reverend Mr. Silas Patriot DoGood appeared and is still there.”
“His love for his Church still motivates him even though he has passed.”
“Isn’t all this voodoo making it impossible for you to lead our Church?”
Finally I brought the discussion to the main point.
“Do you value my sermons and my community outreach? Many do because our congregation is growing. It has grown ever since I took over the ministry from my father-in-law.”
“Yes I do. But …”
“I will tell you in confidence something that no one else in the congregation knows. You are the first to know and I tell you this because I appreciate your dedication and selfless service to our Church. I am going to have a book published which will explain my religious teaching. It will include some of my sermons and Letters to the Editor. The title will be ‘Recipes for Overcoming the Fear of Living and the Fear of Dying.’ People from all over will be able to appreciate what we are doing here at The First Church of God’s Love. My leadership and spiritual guidance will reach people who don’t even sit in our pews.”
“Congratulations. That’s wonderful. How did this happen?”
“As you know my 13 year old son Toby is a model with US Limited an international modeling agency based in New York City. In midtown. When I drive him in for his shoots I have hours to wait. So I used to visit many publishers in the City. I would make appointments in advance and deliver my portfolio of sermons and Letters to the Editor to them. It took over a year but two weeks ago I heard from Eliot, Eliot and Holden a major publishing company. They want to publish my book and support it with a national campaign.
You know that when we held the séance my father-in-law The Reverend DoGood urged me to get a Doctorate in Theology because my education is in art history. After long deliberation I decided against it because me religiosity is not based on old books. It is based on a book yet to be written. How fateful it is that I am now writing that book.”
“Wonderful. When your book gets published I will be delighted to organize a party for the congregation to celebrate.”
Amen.
The Reverend Mrs. Silence DoGood
Senior Pastor
Executive Director
President
Chairman
Choir Master (part-time)
The First Church of God’s Love